My Darling Dominic, These letters are so hard to start but once I do start I don't want to stop. It's the closest I feel to communicating with you these days... except when I talk to you at the crematorium. I had a 5 day break away on my own a month ago. I never go away alone like that and it was weird without you. Holidays and breaks always included you. The break was given to me by a charity because I'm a bereaved carer and I felt I needed time to grieve and think about you without upsetting or worrying anyone else. I took your photo with me and within half an hour of arriving I was in pieces like I hadn't been since just after you left this Earth. The following day was the same. I was in a really dark place and just ached for you. The next day I went out for my own sanity. I realised while I was there that being at home with our family has helped me cope. Looking out for your siblings and Jamie and seeing your Auntue Lynn gives me a reason for being here now and...