What once was....

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Well.... August and September have passed and with them has gone all the painful anniversaries and Dominics 'forever 25' birthday.


Despite that I still have a constant lump in the back of my throat and tears are constantly just behind my eyes waiting to fall. Everything around me wherever I am is a painful reminder of what was but is no more.

I know I will never willingly go North/North East of Norwich again. I find it hard going to Norwich to see Emily. There are too many painful memories. It's doubtful that I will ever go to any Centerparcs again. Again too many painful memories despite these ones being happier. I will never again holiday in Eastbourne, Bognor or Weymouth and there are a few other places I will avoid. These places were special because Dominic was there and now he won't be.
The gap is just too large without him.

I look at all the photos of my children and think of how they were at the age they were in the photos. In Dominics photos, especially the baby ones,  I look at them and think...
"This photo was only taken yesterday.... and in that small space of time you grew up, became an adult and died. How can that be? You were my baby."

I will never have photos of Dominic past the age of 25. His life is over already. Its just not fair. He was innocent. He never hurt anyone. He had more than his fair share of bad luck and he was still happy with what he had. Couldn't he have stayed with us longer at the very least?

It's hard not to replay his final day on this Earth. It's on repeat in my head. Its not a deliberate thing but I just can't believe he's gone and I don't understand how it happened... and so the whole devastating day plays over again in my mind.

I have some amazing memories with Dominic. Lots of happy times.... so many. I think of these alot too but they are always tinged with sadness knowing that me and my boy will never be able to make more memories together.

My Dominic memory bank will always be half full and my life will always be half lived without him. 

'When the links of life are broken and a child has to part,
There is nothing that will ever heal a parents broken heart.'

Love you so much
Always have,  always will




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