Amidst the lockdown

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I haven't posted here for over a month. We have had so many things happen as a family and also obviously we are in the middle of the Covid-19 emergency.

 In the middle of us starting our second week in lockdown the sun finally decided to show its face which has meant the start of tidying up the garden. Emily cleaned up the decking where Dominic used to spend all of his time at home in the nice weather. It was also the place where the last photos of Dominic were taken.....on his Birthday last August.

 Obviously in these troubled times people are losing loved ones everywhere, literally all over the World, and I have to admit that I feel guilty for being wrapped up in my grief over losing Dominic. Normally I would be wanting to sign up to help. This time I can't. I am no use to anyone added to which I've not felt great this last week. I think it's a head cold but who knows?
I keep thinking how frustrated and irritable Dominic would be about having to stay home 24/7, how scared I would be that he may get this evil illness as I know he would never get through it and, in a way, I'm relieved that he doesn't have to deal with this although obviously I would do anything to have him here with me now. I would do anything to be able to cuddle him,hold his hand,kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his curls. I know he was 25 and it seems strange to say that about a man but he wasn't a man. He was a boy.....my boy. My baby.😔💔

 So the sun is out,Spring is pretty much here which means Summer is approaching....which means it would have been his birthday and the first anniversary of the day he left us. A year. And the pain is as fresh as it was. I dont cry every day anymore but it's always there. A huge hole that can't be filled....with constant flashbacks to that last day in hospital reliving it all as I still can't quite believe he's gone forever.

 Stay safe everyone. Stay home and keep your loved ones healthy.❤
One of the last photos of Dominic taken down on the decking on his Birthday.
23.8.2019

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